hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
Randomize
