It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
Randomize
