I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
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