she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
Randomize
