Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
Randomize
