You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
Found your dick twin last night
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
Randomize
