one two three fourrrrnication!
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
