i would punch a child for taco bell
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
Randomize
