Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
Randomize
