you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize
