currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
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