I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
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