He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
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