I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
Randomize
