Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
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