Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
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