Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
Randomize
