If that was your dad, he is hot
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
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