sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
