we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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