God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
Randomize