did you get engaged???
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
Randomize
