Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Randomize