You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
Randomize
