Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
Randomize
