My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
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