I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
