i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
I would fuck him just for his dog
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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