I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
Randomize
