I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
You can't just leave with hair like that
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
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