What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize
