so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
Randomize
