But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.