Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
21 Reasons You’ll Be Forever Alone
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
23 Theme Park Employees Confess The Biggest Adult Tantrums They’ve Witnessed
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.