Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
