last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
Randomize
