so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
Randomize
