my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
