I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
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