i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Randomize
