i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
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