so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
Randomize
