She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
is that a dick in a sweater?
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
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