Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Randomize
