You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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