Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Randomize
