if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
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