No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Randomize
