Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
Randomize
