I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
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scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
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i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together