I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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