Texts From Last Night

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  (810): View more from Michigan

  nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy

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  (810): nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy http://tfl.nu/15i2
  Replies (2) Good night (1253) Bad night (641)
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  (330): View more from Ohio

  She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.

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  (330): She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning. http://tfl.nu/zuj3
  Replies (61) Good night (2294) Bad night (4532)
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  (416): View more from Ontario

  He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.

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  (416): He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him. http://tfl.nu/3lsk
  Replies (52) Good night (11600) Bad night (1279)
• Favorite

  (231): View more from Michigan

  I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...

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  (231): I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name... http://tfl.nu/p31n
  Replies (9) Good night (4603) Bad night (1261)
• Favorite

  (218): View more from Minnesota

  If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me

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  (218): If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me http://tfl.nu/kwsp
  Replies (9) Good night (7678) Bad night (1408)
• Favorite

  (702): View more from Nevada

  whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want

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  (702): whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want http://tfl.nu/m1hp
  Replies (39) Good night (7223) Bad night (1594)
• Favorite

  (336): View more from North Carolina

  I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.

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  (336): I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying. http://tfl.nu/o8vt
  Replies (1) Good night (870) Bad night (1225)
• Favorite

  (863): View more from Florida

  I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.

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  (863): I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen. http://tfl.nu/kind
  Replies (8) Good night (2093) Bad night (1079)
• Favorite

  (913): View more from Kansas

  Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.

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  (913): Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well. http://tfl.nu/px83
  Replies (4) Good night (1187) Bad night (725)
• Favorite

  (208): View more from Idaho

  I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?

  (1-208): View more from Idaho

  Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.

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  (208): I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single? (1-208): Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well. http://tfl.nu/96dv
  Replies (10) Good night (1712) Bad night (546)
• Favorite

  (570): View more from Pennsylvania

  I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.

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  (570): I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out. http://tfl.nu/9vp6
  Replies (7) Good night (2113) Bad night (554)
• Favorite

  (954): View more from Florida

  He left his cock-ring in my truck.

  (305): View more from Florida

  Consider it a gay sex souvenir.

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  (954): He left his cock-ring in my truck. (305): Consider it a gay sex souvenir. http://tfl.nu/filc
  Replies (5) Good night (607) Bad night (499)
• Favorite

  (610): View more from Pennsylvania

  I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring

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  (610): I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring http://tfl.nu/xbtn
  Replies (0) Good night (537) Bad night (777)
• Favorite

  (859): View more from Kentucky

  Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that

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  (859): Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that http://tfl.nu/ctlq
  Replies (3) Good night (459) Bad night (252)
• Favorite

  (801): View more from Utah

  I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt

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  (801): I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt http://tfl.nu/mvv0
  Replies (0) Good night (274) Bad night (166)

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