even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.