mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
29 Petty People Reveal The Shallow Reasons They Turned Someone Down
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
21 Horribly Evil Pranks To Play On Your Drunk Friends
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter