Texts From Last Night

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  (704): View more from North Carolina

  you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks

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  (704): you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks http://tfl.nu/c3vj
  Replies (49) Good night (4572) Bad night (1310)
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  (312): View more from Illinois

  so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?

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  (312): so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion? http://tfl.nu/og9d
  Replies (97) Good night (1096) Bad night (8168)
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  (513): View more from Ohio

  There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.

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  (513): There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer. http://tfl.nu/7obs
  Replies (13) Good night (4142) Bad night (986)
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  (902): View more from Pr Edwrd Is, Nva Sctia

  you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.

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  (902): you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken. http://tfl.nu/um57
  Replies (1) Good night (1115) Bad night (2704)
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  (813): View more from Florida

  Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.

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  (813): Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b. http://tfl.nu/ahce
  Replies (17) Good night (4201) Bad night (1838)
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  (864): View more from South Carolina

  turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy

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  (864): turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy http://tfl.nu/uoz8
  Replies (3) Good night (1210) Bad night (1311)
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  (701): View more from North Dakota

  Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.

  (701): View more from North Dakota

  The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.

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  (701): Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend. (701): The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer. http://tfl.nu/9cgs
  Replies (7) Good night (2158) Bad night (959)
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  (850): View more from Florida

  Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager

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  (850): Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager http://tfl.nu/6wri
  Replies (15) Good night (678) Bad night (1878)
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  (860): View more from Connecticut

  you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice

  (1-860): View more from Connecticut

  peace be with you.

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  (860): you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice (1-860): peace be with you. http://tfl.nu/ffop
  Replies (3) Good night (2213) Bad night (578)
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  (740): View more from Ohio

  This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.

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  (740): This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod. http://tfl.nu/pyaj
  Replies (9) Good night (1892) Bad night (678)
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  (512): View more from Texas

  he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white

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  (512): he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white http://tfl.nu/k2oa
  Replies (10) Good night (670) Bad night (2077)
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  (254): View more from Texas

  I have a surprise for you

  (1-254): View more from Texas

  Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!

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  (254): I have a surprise for you (1-254): Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy! http://tfl.nu/af5l
  Replies (5) Good night (2460) Bad night (614)
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  (610): View more from Pennsylvania

  We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots

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  (610): We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots http://tfl.nu/1mi3
  Replies (6) Good night (1627) Bad night (544)
• Favorite

  (360): View more from Washington

  No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.

  (1-360): View more from Washington

  You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.

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  (360): No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day. (1-360): You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide. http://tfl.nu/twrd
  Replies (2) Good night (936) Bad night (335)
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  (315): View more from New York

  i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things

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  (315): i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things http://tfl.nu/x59u
  Replies (3) Good night (425) Bad night (662)

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