Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
Randomize
