Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
My breath smells like gin and sadness
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