Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Randomize
