I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
Randomize
