Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Randomize
