I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
OPIZZABONMYDICK
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
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