That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
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