oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
why is half of my head shaved?
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