Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
Randomize
