google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
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