Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
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