No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."