also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
These 19 Deaths Are Ironically Hilarious
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
These 17 Parents Decided to Cut Contact With Their Horrible Kids
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain