I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch