Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
my liver is dry heaving
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
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