According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
These 19 Guys Hit The Cougar Jackpot
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
35 Disappointing People Who Failed At Sexting
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship