This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize