I just made out with a guy for $7.
Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
Randomize
