i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
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