"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Randomize
