my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
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