Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
why does every cop we meet know your name?
Randomize
