Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
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