I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
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