Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
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