My sheets look like a crime scene.
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
Randomize
