I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
Randomize
